


A Sebastian is the Forest

by KidAbsurdity



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Parody, Running Gags, Superfluous Tags, descriptions, get rekt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7892290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KidAbsurdity/pseuds/KidAbsurdity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, farmer Jade (of "A Farm in the Forest") is surprised to discover that Sebastian dominates her world-view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sebastian is the Forest

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Farm in the Forest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7470858) by [MagicallyClueless](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicallyClueless/pseuds/MagicallyClueless). 



Jade awoke to the sound of the rooster on Marnie’s ranch. There was much agriculture to be done and her day would take her all over Pelican Town afterward. She had been there for some months now, and the town was still as mysterious to her as Sebastian was. She prepared her morning coffee, which she had taken to drinking black, like Sebastian’s hair. She decided that she would cook some spaghetti for lunch after her farm chores, making a sauce from various vegetables from the harvest, a variation on the classic that she took to calling _swaghetti yolonaise_. Sebastian, Jade knew, loved spaghetti, but not as much as his mother Robin did. Her love of spaghetti was only exceeded by her love of carpentry materials. Get your mind out of the gutter, dear reader, you pervert.

She emerged from her house and onto her farm in the forest, greeted by the autumn fields of blackberries, guarded over by Onyx, her cat, and the small army of black-clad scarecrows, all with fringed sideparts. Her Sebcrows, she affectionately called them. She picked a berry and tried it, finding it a bit underripe. The berry was sour, like Sebastian’s disposition, but with an undertone of sweetness, like Sebastian was underneath his disposition. Go take a cold shower, dear reader, you pervert.

She fed her bunnies, patting and playing with them, the adorable (like Sebastian) fluffballs that they were. She imagined Sebastian being capable of growing a beard and then decided that she didn’t like that because it wasn’t how Sebastian was. She checked in on the mushroom cave, which was brimming with fungi. She thought about how Sebastian was a fun guy.

Satisfied that her farm chores were mostly done for the day, she set off into town on her other errands. Today, she had decided that she would splurge on the iridium fishing rod, a quality piece of equipment that brought to mind Sebastian’s… sick gaming rig. Dear reader, I love you, but you are making it hard to like you at moments like this, you pervert.

Swaghetti yolonaise packed away in some containers in her backpack, she was slightly delayed by running into Alex on her way. He was heading up toward the mountain lake near Robin and Sebastian’s house. It was Maru and Demetrius’ house too, but that hardly registered for Jade at that moment, or at all. She only brought two servings of pasta. She hoped the family would not assume she was a terrible racist.

“Hey, farm girl!” Alex greeted her.

“Hi Alex!” she cheerily replied.

“I’m heading to sit by the lake a bit, would you like to join me?”

She did. She liked the lake. Its quiet depth reminded her of Sebastian. The nearby birds chirped, sounding like the custom IM sound that accompanied his messages. They sat down underneath a willow tree that gently slouched toward the ground, like Sebastian’s out-of-computer-chair posture. The wind whispered through the leaves. Jade could swear it sounded like it said “now goooooo out and make ussss some moneyyyyyy.”

“So, farm girl, about that conversation we had a bit ago?”

“The one about whether I was romantically interested in you?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Alex, I never felt that way about you, even with your Sebastian-like gaze.”

“You did fall for someone, and it’s Sebastian, isn’t it?”

“I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT HAVE A NICE DAY BYE” Jade said, defensively, starting to stand up.

“I think I understand what you mean. A lot of things around here remind me of Haley.”

“How could you see Haley in everything?” Jade scoffed, sitting back down and looking up to evade Alex’s gaze, her own eyes settling on a cloud she thought looked vaguely like Sebastian. “Don’t be so ridiculous.”

They sat in silence for a while and looked up at the clouds that looked like Sebastian. The sky clouded over even more.

“How long are you going to stay here?” Jade asked.

“Most of the day, I think, I’ll benefit from some space today.”

Jade thought that was very Sebastian-like of him, seeking introverted recharging time away from prying social eyes. “I’ll pass by in a couple hours, I’m going to buy a new fishing rod today.”

She headed off toward the carpentry shop that doubled as Sebastian, Robin, and two other chumps’ house. Sebastian was uncharacteristically not at home, but Robin was over the moon about being given home-cooked spaghetti. She talked about it for another year afterward. Maru asked for some spaghetti and Jade noped out of there as fast as Sebastian’s motorcycle on the open desert roads.

She made her way to the beach, where she found a clamshell washed up on the shore. She picked it up to trade in to Willy for some store credit toward the fishing rod, marveling at how tightly shut the shell was. She mused on how Sebastian would clam up with tension every time she hugged him. She completely missed Elliott waving from the side of his cabin.

Opening the door into Willy’s shop, she was greeted by the smell of earthworms, which Sebastian was insistent was all that would await his body after death, so stop hassling him about smoking, thankyouverymuch. One clamshell and 7450G later, Jade had her shiny new Iridium fishing rod.

Jade returned to the mountain lake, sitting back down beside Alex, who was still there being all thoughtful and stuff.

“Nice rod,” Alex greeted her.

That time Jade actually did think something lewd about Sebastian, so you win this one, dear reader.

“Thanks! I’m so excited to fish with this thing!” she replied, excitedly.

“So, what do you see in him?” He asked.

Again, Jade looked up to the sky to avoid Alex’s stare. The clouds from earlier began to part like Sebastian’s hair. A ray of sunshine (like Sebastian was) pierced the heavens (which is where he surely originated from). “Nothing. I don’t see anything in him, I see him in everything.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a parody of MagicallyClueless' charming fic "A Farm in the Forest".


End file.
